Pressure Cooker

​It’s like only yesterday, I wondered what it would be like to live on my own. It’s like yesterday I dreamt of being a fresher. It’s like only yesterday I was surrounded by my family. It’s just like yesterday I succumbed to peer pressure.

I have always looked forward to this phase of my life – Love, Life, Laughter, Experience, Glamour. A year and a half (almost) into it, I realised I didn’t want to be here.

Life isn’t what it seemed at first. I’m just existing; Getting through each day just a tad better than the previous one. Everyone around is killing it with success. Friends going out for trekking among the clouds. So exposed to others’ fun lives that it makes me imagine doing same things to my own. Different people doing different things.

Weighted shoulders. Weak heart. Fast paced life. Too many choices. Million thoughts. Too responsible to drink my nights away and throw up on strangers. Too control freakish to let someone else take over my life. Trying to fill the gap between my current situation and the one I envision.

That tiny voice in the head that recalls this isn’t the life I agreed to live. The voice that keeps telling settling down just won’t cut it. The voice that frowns when you look at yourself in doubt. 
I tried to drown the voice by watching movies, listening to music, working at late hours, consuming sugar and caffeine. 

I stopped filling life with distractions to avoid facing what I feel in those silent spaces between thoughts. 
If I refused to listen to it, it’ll always be there; nagging about my mediocre life until I die; full of regrets of what might have been. 
I’m tired of waiting for things to happen “someday”, “when things are fine.”

I think all our life, we search to find something we’ve already found. 
You’re the breath of fresh air, the sound of the waves, the warmth of the sun, thousands of lighted windows at dusk. So drown in the existence. Let life fill you till you explode. 

Catching a glimpse of your own strength can be one of the most unsettling experiences imaginable. And even more disturbing is the awareness of the challenges that follows if you accept it. Living consciously is not an easy path, but it is a unique human experience. There’s no wrong answer; Only inspiration.

Slowing down to remind there’s no rush through life. 
Only to be happy, with a happiness that doesn’t go away with the wind. Making use of what happens; Whether we are on top of the mountains or at the bottom of the sea. 

All I want to do is live my life so that when my time comes, someone will care; someone will say their life is different and is better, because I was there.