Homemade Happiness

 

Whenever I’m brooding over how I lost a friend or how my efforts go unnoticed by people, a post I can relate to almost immediately comes about. Every. Single. Time. Internet has made me so desperate and dependent that I have to find consolation in the words of others.

 

But why don’t they write about the feelings you experience when you’ve left your parents back at home and come to settle in a different place. Why don’t they write how to stay strong and apart from your siblings in different parts of the country ? Why do I have to “Tag brother/sister/father/mother if I can relate” ?

 

I had bittersweet feelings on saying goodbye to familiar faces while preparing for the next huge chapter of my life. The exact weight of loneliness didn’t quite dawn on me when I crossed the road, when I boarded the train, when I entered my PG.

Every time they hug, fighting to keep a smile on their faces when you leave, there’s a searing pain in the heart, making us so miserable and lonely that you want to rip it out. I didnt quite realise that while I was going to “make a career and enjoy the college journey”, it was them who had to stay away.

 

You discover exactly what and how much your family has done for you.

When I was 12, I told my dad to drop me off at a distance from the bus stop because, well, friends. But he always insisted on dropping me close where the bus stops everyday. I was so annoyed then I realised how grateful I was, with that heavy bag on my shoulder and seeing others on foot with the same heavy bag.

Mumma will always ask if you’re full but still add one extra helping of the food.

Dad will always force to add one more layer on a wintry day or take a scarf along when I’m perfectly fine.

 

Brother breaking dolls and mirrors; Sister helping me dress the doll up. Always asking for fake signatures; Fighting over who Papa mumma loves more; Finishing chocolates slowly only to watch the other be grumpy when theirs is over; Fighting for pens, pencils, boxes, bags, toffees; Pretending to be angry only to get pampered. Fights over nothing. Prince and princesses. Beasts and brats. Been it all.

 

Eventually you discover, they’re the only ones who’ll care for you. I used to (still get) impatient at their nagging. But here, no one leaves the door open, no one screams suddenly to scare me, no one bursts into the room without knocking, no one gets angry for talking back. No curfew, no food, no one to do laundry, no all time cash. Sometimes you just want to pick them up from your dreams and hug them for real.

 

Why does no one write about it ? About how you make your separation worth? Why does it have to be a 10 point list for a great bro/sis? Why don’t they remind us to talk to our family properly instead of telling us to “keep heart because the right one will come along” everyday ? Because all that’s left of us ? – Broken friendships and singledom?

 

Maybe at the end of the day, after exploring a sea of opportunities, I don’t forget my roots. I remember to work harder after every outing, remember to remember them and love them for what they did to me, remember to remind them that they are my “the right one”